Serena stirred in her bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, as usual. She had, instead of taking her prescribed medication for her depression, Serena had sought her solace at the bottom of a bottle of red wine. Still she could not sleep. Now not so long ago she would have crept into Xation's bedroom to try and sleep in her dearly departed brother's bed, but for some reason Felina would always fly into a rage. So Felina had taken to hiding the key from her. So it was Serena arose from her bed turning on the light, going over to the little reading corner she had by the fireplace; the wood of which was just about burned down but still radiating a warm, comforting heat. Serena scanned the endless shelves of books, sliding her hand across the spines of the many volumes until she stopped, slipping out a thin, small, antique volume of The Poems and Plays of Robert Browning. Serena, not caring what she read at this point, settled back in her warm bed pulling the down comforter up around her naked body. She read the first few pages of Pauline A Fragment of a Confession, without much interest, until she came to a passage that touched a nerve in her miserable,bitter,little, heart. And these are the words that were printed on the page. 'Betrayed by sleep.., until the feeling rushed that I was low indeed, yet not so low as to endure the calmness of thine eyes; And so I told thee all, while the cool breast I leaned upon altered not its quiet beating; And long were words, like a hurt bird's complaint. Bade me look up and be what I had been! I felt despair could never live by thee.'
Serena felt the pain and bitter tears well up inside her as she closed the book, crying like a child who has lost it's way home, for she had remembered this from an evening when Hays had read the very same story to her years ago. Now her infinite sadness wrapped it's self around her like a suffocating cloak of darkness and Serena had no control over the emotions pouring out of her. It was very late and she knew everyone was asleep, so she let herself have another good, tension releasing, cry, perhaps the exertion would bring her mind to ease of sleep. And as she was weeping Felina came a creeping down the long hall. She had dried herself off, wrapping up in one of her brother's expensive silk jacquard smoking jackets, her long wet black hair a disheveled mess falling around her shoulders. Now Felina could hear her sister crying and so she paused at the door, pressing her ear against it, she clearly heard the terrible sadness coming from within; which only added more resolve to Felina's nerves as she listened. The sound of her sister sobbing had a strange cadence to it, almost like music. This made Felina shed a few tears of her own, as she heard the sound of her little sister's tears for the last time. She wanted to go inside and say goodbye, but she was afraid to do so would take all her resolve and courage to kill herself away. So instead, Felina stepped away from the bedroom door saying "Farewell my dearest sister." Then Felina walked down the long hall to her room preparing her heart for the grave.
Just as Felina opened the door to her large, elegantly decorated room, she heard the rumble of thunder as a heavy rain began to fall, lashing against the roof of the great house. This was just the touch of drama she needed for her last night here on Earth; which would be over by the hour. Felina went in and gathered all the candles she had in her room and brought them into the bathroom where she placed them, lighting each, one by one, Felina placed them all around the massive garden tub as she turned on the hot water. For this is the room she would leave this world in, she gazed at her reflection in the mirror, and now she felt a sudden sense of thrilling release, as if she were about to attend the event of a lifetime. So she removed the smoking jacket placing it on the chair of the vanity table, letting her wet hair fall down over her shoulders. She combed out her long black hair for the last time. Preparing herself for Death Felina put her make-up on, applying a thick coat of deep red lipstick, almost the color of blood. Felina stood in front of the vanity mirror smiling for the first time in many years as the anticipation of escape from this world came closer to her horizon.
She went back to her bedroom where she made the bed and straightened the room up a bit. Then she went to her massive walk-in closet where she selected the dress she wished to buried in along with a matching pair of high heeled shoes; both of which were covered in silver sequence and rhinestones. She lay these on her bed along with a short note which simply read ' I have to go away now.'
This is when she retrieved the long sharp knife from the drawer. Felina went over to her stereo, the knife in her hand, and put a recording of Segovia on, her favorite guitar player of all time; and as the sweet sound of the classical arpeggios filled the air Felina walked naked, just as she came in this world, into the illuminated bathroom where the candlelight reflected in the mirrors and off the gleaming gold fixtures. Now the rain pounded harder and the thunder became louder, when off in the distance lightning flashed across the sky. Outside the wild, cold winds and rain, were raging; but here inside, tonight Felina felt as though she were coming closer to her world. She had no first hand knowledge of the hereafter, but she was resolved in her agitated state of mind that nothing could be worse than her life here on Earth. Maybe tomorrow the Devil might find her, but tonight nothing was worse than the pain in her heart.
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